Schoolteacher.

Yesterday began like most others. My alarm went off at 5:46 (why it's that random time, I don't know..but I like setting random times on both the microwave and on my phone), and I proceeded to press snooze 2, 3, 4, maybe even 5 times (David loves this morning routine). I dragged my limbs out of bed, attached my printer to my computer to print some last minute activities for the day as well as my sub plans while I hurriedly brushed my teeth, packed my breakfast and lunch, and mischievously snuck a piece of chocolate gold coin. (Even though David was still fast asleep and no one could see me.) My already junk-laden purse became stuffed with assessments to scan, said printed activities and sub plans, and an extra spoon for my yogurt (already stuffed near the bottom of the endless abyss of a purse). I felt quite like Mary Poppins, except she was probably never too lazy to go get her hair tie that was sitting on the kitchen sink. Consequently, I screeched when my purse strap landed on a pile of my hair (you'd think I would learn that wearing my hair down to school just does not work), hurriedly said goodbye to David and asked what he would do "today," to which he replied what he always does "Stay in bed" so as not to have to tell me the details, and burrowed further under the covers. I got to the door, realized I forgot coffee, heated up the day-old variety still seated dully in the pot, slipped out the door and into my car, realizing I desperately needed gas. I stared at the gas pump until it reached $15.00 exactly, because it's nearing the end of the month, people, and who can afford more than that? Got to school, felt weird about the jeans and uggs I was sporting, lodged myself in the copy room for a bit, ran around setting up my classroom, and left for...Jury Duty. Yes, Jury Duty.
And what ensued was quite unlikely, in fact. First, I went to the location specified on my summons. Nope, wrong place. They had stated otherwise in the message, but I of course tuned out after they said "You need to appear at 8:30." Drove 5 blocks to other location I could have walked from my apartment to, waited in line, sat for about 10 minutes, got called almost immediately into a courtroom. My name was randomly called into one of the top eighteen seats, and what do you know, suddenly I was being sworn in as a juror. Prior to this, I of course stated my hardship on the official document, talked to the judge about how this would ill affect my students' learning, but no had to do, because apparently that's not a good enough reason.
And that's how I landed myself as a juror on a three-week case here in Oakland. I am known to my fellow jurors as simply "Schoolteacher."