Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Ms. Estrada and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

I have been warned not to blog when angry or sad. But here I am, Anchor Steam next to me, after taking a few deep breaths, venting about anything and everything to David, and doing some feverish dish-washing and feel a little better. I had one of those worst-day-of-the-school-year-thus-far days. It started perhaps when during Literacy Workstations approximately 3 students got sent into my room from other classes to take a break. I am very happy to have students come in and get away from other environments for awhile, but at that very same moment 6 adults from a nearby charter school walked in to observe my literacy workstation time. Of course, it was the craziest workstation time thus far, with W throwing stuffed animals from the classroom library at my students, kids wandering around looking for their workstation who had arrived late, and KJ narrating every single action she did in her loudest voice possible. I was, needless to say, mortified.
I've been trying to do too much, too--adding a new workstation every day (although my students were really excited when we got to 10 workstations today!) I was out of the classroom yesterday testing, so my students felt a little off, and to add to everything--the weather has been loco. However, there are no excuses...I feel like I should always prepare my students better, and role play the things that may happen MORE, be more consistent, yell less, talk over them NEVER, and be more picky about behaviors on the rug. I am constantly reminding them, and I think that period is over...no more warnings. Sometimes I just feel like I'm too unorganized for this job...and most days I don't feel that way, but today I feel full to my brim, so much so that I don't want to think about trouble-shooting. I don't want to think about the behavior plan I need to make for KJ, or the phone calls home I need to make, or the SST forms I need to fill out. I want to serve my students and be a successful teacher and not feel like a first year teacher all over again.
I know I will have these days. I know they will not be every day. But I am frustrated. I just want these kids to learn and have fun. When two are stomping around or pretending to have stomachaches, and others are yelling STOPPPPP to one another, I feel like a bit of a failure. But students need to be taught EVERYTHING, so I'm going to be patient with them and less hard on myself (I hope).
Amidst all of this...the gems of the day: IB (serious grump who tattles on kids near him ALL THE TIME) went over to MS when he needed help thinking of a story during Writer's Workshop and offered to draw a basketball court for him, because basketball is always fun to write about. MS was SO excited and they planned what he could write together.
I bought this little heart box from Michael's and decided today that it would be our problem-solving heart box (thank you Nova for the inspiration!) so after recess and lunch students can write down people who were solving problems in class or on the yard and I'll pick a couple to share with the class and acknowledge those kids who are using their words and helping out. "MS ESTRADA C TOLD ME HE WAS SORRY! HE WAS SOLVING A PROBLEM!" This was the highlight of my day.
We started music today...the music teacher is fabulous and my students did great. The service that provides free dentistry was on campus today and LA came back crying :(. She said they took all the candy out of her teeth and squeezed them so hard it made her cry. Poor thing! But good thing...
Teeth are falling out like mad. The other day MS showed me a convincing tooth that turned out to be a piece of gum stuck in his teeth from days ago...the nurse must think I am a total noob for sending him in with his fake tooth.
We will see what tomorrow brings..hopefully less tears, more hugs, and NO RAIN.

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