Football mania must be happening everywhere, but here in the Bay Area it's pretty much reached its peak. I'm no football fan myself, but the 49er flags adorning honking cars has been pretty exciting today. While David does some lab work at UC Berkeley nearby, I'm holed up in a cozy cafe, listening to the score from Black Swan, waiting to go watch the big game at some friends come 3 o'clock.
I know every teacher goes through phases where they question their validity or success as a teacher...but I feel like this phase has been pretty perpetual for me. I have wonderful colleagues and family helping me through it, but when I'm in my classroom I can't help but feel at a loss. Emotional outbursts, angry tantrums, yelling, withdrawn students--- I blame myself and am trying to figure out how to feel more confident and get out of this slump. The more I tell myself I'm just not good at this, the more my classroom suffers. I know there's no easy answer, but how do I celebrate the tiny successes that are happening? All I can seem to do is linger on the negative things...the positives are so hard to see. I just want my students to be happy and safe, and I feel like that is taking a toll on me. It seems like a big undertaking. I love my students and my school, but the exhaustion and feelings of deep distress aren't going away. Suggestions are always welcome. :)
What do you do when the career you've been preparing for your whole life isn't exactly going how you planned? I'm willing to give it a few more years chance and try different environments--- I understand I'm only in my third year and that it WILL get better, not every class will have students with intense emotional issues who throw chairs and scissors and CDs across the room-- but what do we do in the meantime to keep ourselves sane? To be completely honest, most days I come home absolutely miserable and downtrodden. Have you been there, too?